i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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