At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
