I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
