Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
