Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
