i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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