he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize