Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
