He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
