I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
