I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't judge me 👊🼠his dick just whispers my name
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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