I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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