her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
