So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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