Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
