Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
