the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
