Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
