honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
