I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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