I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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