I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
