This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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