I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
