I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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