I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
