if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
