this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
