Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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