You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's on the porch naked. Help.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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