So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
