You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
should my penis look like a turkey
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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