and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
