ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
