I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
