I wish I could punch you in the face.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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