just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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