I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
