we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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