I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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