Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
