Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
