Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
