Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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