I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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