you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
