The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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