Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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