Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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