My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
