I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
