Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
