Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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