I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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