If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
