It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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