haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so explain again why im purple
no
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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