Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
