If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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