eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
