New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
