capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
