i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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