i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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