We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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