i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
