4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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