Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
