His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
