I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
