yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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