I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
