Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
